For some time, I wondered whether to share a certain change that happened in my life a few months ago. I didn’t really have — and still don’t have — a clear idea of how to describe it, and fatigue combined with the lack of time means this entry may be chaotic. So what is it all about? Well, my wife and I have found a puzzle piece we had been searching for a long time. That puzzle piece is a boy named Jaś.
From the beginning
I met my wife when I was still a teenager. She started coming to my neighborhood to visit my friends, whom I didn’t see very often anymore. I saw my future wife only twice back then. Things changed when our mutual friend decided to organize a New Year’s Eve party. Actually, it wasn’t his idea — another friend, who liked to manipulate people, pushed for it. Either way, it was a key meeting for us.
The girl I fell in love with on New Year’s Eve had already intrigued me during the two previous encounters. There was something about her that captivated me. During our party, that “something” grew stronger, and by the end of the night, regardless of the music style, we danced the whole night through, holding each other close.
In the morning, I walked my future partner home, but we didn’t exchange phone numbers. Interestingly, she beat me to it — she was the first to ask our friend for my number. And she was the first to reach out.
That New Year’s Eve meeting blossomed into a long-lasting love. Nearly twenty years have passed, and since then, we have only been apart for four days. Some people think it’s abnormal, but we simply want to be together.
Wedding
After several years of living together, we decided to get married. Legalizing our relationship offered some benefits, and it felt nice to celebrate our love with a larger group of people.
We waited two years for the wedding — that’s how long it took to book the venue and the band. Other bookings, like the photographer, videographer, or car (we drove a Warszawa 201), had shorter waiting times.
Finally, the day arrived. We started with a short photo session at home. Then the ceremony — which we managed to reach just before a heavy storm. Many guests didn’t see the wedding live; they spent the time sitting in their cars waiting for the storm to pass.
The ceremony ended after the storm. The sun came out, and with it, a rainbow.
At our wedding, both we and our guests had a great time. My wife barely remembers the ceremony because she was so stressed. Even now, some guests revisit our wedding by watching it on DVD.
People fondly remember our parents’ thank‑you segment, which wasn’t the typical dance to “Kochanych rodziców mam.” We did it our own way. I prepared a film projected from a projector — a slideshow of photos of our parents before they met, after they met, and with their children. The final photo was of me and my wife. Then came the text-based thank‑you message, and after the film ended, we gave our parents gifts. There was lots of laughter and tears of emotion.
The road to parenthood
Since becoming a couple, my wife and I have talked about everything. From the beginning, we never felt embarrassed discussing any topic. We also talked about the future and the likelihood of having children someday. But back then, finishing our studies and stabilizing our lives felt more important — a common story for many couples.
Even before the wedding, we agreed to give ourselves a year of rest afterward, and then we would start trying for a baby. At first, we approached it calmly, but when nothing happened for a long time, we began to suspect something was wrong.
I was the first to go to an infertility clinic. Initial tests showed that things weren’t perfect, but it didn’t look like I couldn’t have children. My wife consulted her gynecologist, who saw no problem. His advice was to go on vacation and relax — something we heard many times as a supposed solution.
After several years of reading articles and medical forums, my wife figured out what the problem might be. Her gynecologist turned out to be an unambitious doctor whose knowledge had stopped at medical school. We lost several years because of that.
Consultations with various specialists revealed that my wife had several conditions that made getting pregnant very difficult. One of them was endometriosis — often invisible to many doctors, and some haven’t even heard of it.
The following years were filled with consultations across Poland, countless tests, procedures, and methods meant to help achieve pregnancy. I don’t want to write about that now — maybe someday — but some methods were far from pleasant.
Because my wife and I discuss everything and plan our future together, we often talked about the possibility of choosing another path to parenthood if pregnancy didn’t happen. When I say “getting pregnant” I mean that even though my wife would carry our child, I would still be deeply involved — just as I am now, having chosen adoption.
We even had an offer to become biological parents, though not entirely in the traditional sense, but we decided against it.
After our last unsuccessful attempts to conceive, we went on vacation to our beloved Tatra Mountains. I described that trip in the article “Holidays in Małopolska in 2021” and it was a way to decompress from everything that had happened. It also marked a break from trying for a biological child and a shift toward adoption.
A major emotional reset — especially for my wife — was climbing Świnica. I didn’t force her; she suggested it herself, which shocked me, but I knew she needed it. I described that hike in the article “Holidays 2021 – From Palenica Białczańska to Kuźnice via Świnica”.
The road to adoption
Two weirdos with two cats, after returning home from vacation, contacted two adoption centers. We had previously read a lot about adoption and adoption centers, so we reached out to the Provincial Adoption Center and the Children’s Friends Society.
The first meeting with the Provincial Adoption Center was scheduled as a video call due to the pandemic. The conversation was pleasant and informative, but the format made it feel artificial.
The meeting at the Children’s Friends Society was in person, and from the very first conversation, it was emotionally exhausting. It was tough — the lady conducting it really put us through the wringer.
Despite the difficult meeting, we decided to stay with that center. We had several such meetings, and thanks to them, we learned a lot about ourselves — especially where certain behaviors, habits, and problems came from.
Between meetings, we had assigned reading — guides, articles, sometimes films — which we later discussed. We wrote autobiographies, applications, and eventually took psychological tests evaluating our attachment styles.
These meetings, which were a form of therapy, lasted up to two hours and usually took place once a month. We started in early October and finished in late spring. Then we waited for the decision on whether we would be allowed to join the adoptive parents’ course.
A few weeks later, we received a positive opinion and were accepted into the course, which was to begin in autumn. We spent the summer resting after an intense year — we went to the Sudetes, which I described in “Hiking in the Sudetes in 2022“.
The adoptive parents’ course lasted three months and was very intense. Several meetings each month, each lasting several hours. Different instructors led different topics. We discussed adoption-related issues, talked about ourselves, worked in pairs or groups, acted out scenes, watched films like “In Safe Hands” and met adoptive parents.
The final meeting took place in December, in a larger room shared by two groups. We brought snacks to celebrate the end of the course and listened to stories from an adopted child, adoptive parents, and the head of a Family Children’s Home. At the end, we received certificates confirming completion of the course.
Completing the course and receiving a diploma does not automatically mean approval for adoption. A committee must evaluate each couple. Not everyone receives a positive decision — some must undergo therapy. We received the green light, which made us very happy.
At the Children’s Friends Society, they look for suitable candidates — some people unfortunately have unresolved issues that could negatively affect a child. It’s difficult for prospective parents, but the child’s well‑being is more important.
The found puzzle – Jaś
In our region, the call from the adoption center offering a child usually comes about 3.5 years after starting the process. So we didn’t expect a call in 2023. We planned many things for the year — a short trip to Olsztyn, then a vacation in Zakopane.
Looking back, we noticed signs that something was happening. We both had dreams in which we had a son. During the Zakopane trip, we bought two wooden angels to match one we had bought years earlier in Wetlina — creating a little “family” of angels. We also managed to refresh our garden — something I wouldn’t have time for now.
In late August and early September, we ended our pre-parenthood time with two concerts by bands we had listened to for over 20 years but had never seen live. We felt like teenagers again.
In mid-September, we received a call from the adoption center. Since we were supposed to check in every few months, we initially thought it was just a routine conversation. But it turned out to be a proposal — a child, and an infant at that, which we did not expect. We thought we would be offered an older child.
The feeling that accompanies such a moment is hard to describe. First, we were shocked — so soon, and an infant. Then incredibly happy, but also disoriented, unsure how to plan the next day.
We agreed to visit the center the next day to learn about Jaś’s history, and then go straight to the Family Children’s Home where he lived. But after calming down a bit, I realized I might not be able to handle going there immediately due to the emotional overload. So we postponed the visit to the home to a later hour.
After a sleepless night and coffee in a thermos, we went to the center. For nearly two hours, we learned more about Jaś — what was established during the interview with his biological mother, what tests he had, and what conditions were discovered. None of it scared us — we were prepared for children requiring much more care. You never know whether a biological child wouldn’t need more care either — we had discussed this long ago.
We didn’t need time to decide. We immediately knew we wanted to meet Jaś. We only had to confirm it officially.
After leaving the center, we took a moment to breathe before driving home, but the emotions stayed with us. Only at home did we relax a bit.
The first meeting with Jaś
In the late afternoon, we went to the Family Children’s Home. Our instructor was waiting for us outside. Yes, we were late — traffic won.
We entered the house, washed our hands, and my wife rushed ahead. When I reached them, I was surprised — she was holding a much larger child than expected. Jaś was supposed to be an infant, but he was quite big. A gym membership beforehand would have been useful — instead, we used muscle ointments daily for a while.
Despite the surprise, we fell in love with him immediately. We quickly noticed similarities to us — a big head like his adoptive mom, hair, eyes, eyelashes, and lips like his adoptive dad. Our determination only grew stronger.
We spent about three hours with him that day. At the end, we confirmed our desire to become his parents. Starting the next day, when we entered the home, the caregivers greeted us as “Jaś’s mom and dad”.
Our instructor told us that Jaś had never been stroked and cuddled as much as during that short visit. She also said he felt he had found his parents. It warmed our hearts. And something extraordinary — though maybe I give it too much meaning — happened when I rocked him to sleep and laid him in his crib. A tear rolled from his right eye. That sight still breaks me. Maybe it was from exhaustion, maybe from hidden crying, or maybe because he felt he had found people who already loved him and would give him everything they could.
Further meetings with our little son
The following days were intense. We collected documents, filed them in court, dealt with unfriendly clerks, visited Jaś daily, worked early mornings to finish sooner, shopped for baby essentials, and spent time with other children in the home — who desperately needed contact and attention.
After several days, we received permission from the court to take Jaś home. We picked up the formal confirmation and then drove to the Family Children’s Home to bring our son home.
We were very happy, but also sad to leave the other children behind. We had grown attached to the whole family — and we still keep in touch remotely.
A New Home
Jaś’s first night at home was peaceful. He slept in his new crib — but only once. Every night afterward, he slept between us. It was the right decision. It’s adorable how he taps my back when I’m turned away — he needs to see my face. When he wakes up, he checks whether we’re both next to him, or searches for our faces or hands in the dark. Sometimes we get punched so we wake up faster.
Health
Jaś’s first night at home was peaceful. He slept in his new crib — but only once. Every night afterward, he slept between us. It was the right decision. It’s adorable how he taps my back when I’m turned away — he needs to see my face. When he wakes up, he checks whether we’re both next to him, or searches for our faces or hands in the dark. Sometimes we get punched so we wake up faster.
After three calm days, complications began. Jaś cried terribly, arched his back, sometimes acting like a newborn. His eyes became infected, he developed a runny nose — just like the children in the home. We hoped he’d avoid it, but he didn’t.
We went to our clinic. The doctor immediately said Jaś was neglected — despite us explaining the situation. When we mentioned issues after drinking milk, she dismissed it. She prescribed eye ointment, nasal drops, probiotics, and urged us to schedule vaccinations.
The eye infection cleared, the runny nose didn’t, and the probiotic didn’t help. His pain worsened so much that we went to a weekend clinic recommended by emergency services — but the doctor there didn’t treat children. We returned home, made chamomile tea, and gave it to him — it helped a bit.
After the weekend, we returned to the same pediatrician. She greeted us with “this is the adopted one”. Again, she dismissed our concerns. Another probiotic — slightly helpful, but not enough.
Nothing helped — not probiotics, not colic exercises, not massages, not warm pumpkin seed compresses.
We signed up for physical therapy, where we met an amazing specialist who not only helped Jaś physically but also recommended her pediatrician and neurologist.
We visited the recommended pediatrician privately. She immediately diagnosed cow’s milk protein intolerance — explaining the pain, vomiting, runny nose, and low weight. Jaś hadn’t been absorbing the milk he had been given for a long time.
She recommended goat milk formula, vitamins, and omega acids. Improvement came quickly — smaller portions, steady weight gain. All it took was someone who listened.
Visitations
After a few weeks, we had the first visitation from our caseworker at the adoption center. She had to check how we were doing in order to describe our current situation for the court. A month later, we had a phone conversation, and the following month another visitation to update the information.
During the first visitation, our caseworker noticed that Jaś had already bonded with us enough that we could start introducing him to our closest family. First, we invited the grandparents, and later our siblings. We invited them separately so that the number of people wouldn’t overwhelm Jaś. It didn’t always help, and despite informing our guests beforehand how the meeting should look, not everyone approached it calmly. As a result, Jaś became stressed, and we had sleepless nights.
Medical Tests
During the neurologist appointment, the specialist confirmed what the pediatrician had already noticed. The neurologist reviewed only the medical documentation and, based on it, concluded that Jaś might have an intolerance to cow’s milk protein, as well as wheat and soy. We confirmed that we had already switched him to goat milk formula and that he was doing much better.
We received a list of tests from the neurologist — an extended set compared to what the pediatrician had recommended. Some of these tests are performed only in specific laboratories, so we had to find a place where all of them could be done at once. We managed, although several vials were needed.
Unfortunately, not all test results were positive. A high level of vitamin B6 and ionized calcium confirmed a problem with absorbing B‑group vitamins. Vitamin B6 is usually deficient, and many people supplement it. Excess is normally excreted in urine. In Jaś’s case, however, his body absorbs too much of it, which could lead to irreversible peripheral nerve damage.
We scheduled another appointment with the neurologist. Even though we hadn’t found any information online about how to lower vitamin B6 levels, the doctor explained what needed to be done. The recommendation was to feed Jaś broccoli, which contains a compound that regulates vitamin B6 levels, and to supplement pure L‑Methionine — a protein amino acid often used by athletes. Additionally, lemon water sweetened with stevia was sufficient. After three months, we had to repeat the tests to check whether the situation had improved.
After a quarter, we repeated the tests and it turned out that the vitamin B6 level had normalized. Jaś is still on a broccoli‑based diet, though not as strict as before. We will continue monitoring his vitamin B6 levels, but definitely less frequently.
The Hearing
Several months passed before Jaś became our fully recognized son. We had to wait for the court hearing that would finalize the formalities and change our status from a pre‑adoptive family to an adoptive one. The first hearing was postponed without any explanation or a new date. When we asked for the reason and for a new date to be set, we were informed that the hearing had been postponed due to a lack of lay judges on that day — but no new date had been scheduled.
More months went by, and our legal situation remained unchanged. Eventually, our district court reached out to a higher instance, the regional court, asking it to take over our case. Within a dozen days, the regional court found another district court that could handle it. And so, after several months, we finally received a new hearing date at a new location.
We waited ten months for the hearing, which ended positively for us. We met a very kind judge who first questioned my wife, then me, and finally Jaś’s legal guardian. Thanks to this hearing, Jaś could take our surname and receive his permanent PESEL number, and we officially became his legal guardians — and above all, his parents.
Difficulties
Throughout the process, we encountered unpleasant comments — being called weirdos with two cats, rude treatment at the clinic, family members ignoring our explanations.
We heard things like “why not a girl?” or “my friends laugh at me because I haven’t held Jaś yet”. Manipulation, unsolicited advice, lack of understanding that Jaś had been through too much for his age and needed special care.
Some people saw us as crazy for saying Jaś might need a psychologist due to rejection trauma. Many still believe “children don’t remember anything” or “children don’t understand”.
For his first birthday celebrated with family, Jaś received a gift that — intentionally or not — humiliated us as adoptive parents. It was meant for biological children. We won’t lie to him about his origins, but reminding him in such a way is harmful.
This is only the beginning — more difficulties will come, for us and for Jaś. But we were aware of this and prepared ourselves mentally.
Fatherhood
I won’t hide that I feared adoption. It’s a huge unknown and a huge responsibility. The training we underwent helped me accept that this was the right path. I read many books about adoption and parenting — stories of successful and unsuccessful adoptions.
When we received the proposal, my world flipped — in a good way. Somehow, within a day, my routines shifted toward caring for a child.
Jaś is the apple of my eye. He isn’t my biological child, but that doesn’t matter. He doesn’t have my genes or my blood, but he has my love and support — even during something as basic as pooping. I love him, and I think he has heard it from me more often in a few months than some biological children hear from their parents.
I know I make mistakes, but I try to avoid them. I try to understand his needs so he feels as good as possible. I want to be the best father I can be. I don’t know if I’ll succeed, but I’ll try — and if I forget, this article will remind me.
In the End
Adoption is not a simple process. It’s a challenge that, just like biological parenting, requires sacrifice. Some people still claim they “raised themselves” and turned out fine — but that’s not the right path.
From training and guides, we learned that adopting one child means adopting two — the child and their emotional baggage. We are experiencing this now and trying to carry that weight so Jaś can feel lighter.
What has adoption given us? Many difficulties, sleepless nights, unnecessary comments, and hurtful words. But it has also given us immense happiness, thanks to which the complications no longer matter. Jaś is our found puzzle piece, completing the picture — a family of weirdos with two cats.
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